Mental Health Awareness Week: ‘You are not alone in feeling alone’

Feeling lonely is not something that a lot of people openly talk about, but it’s something that we all feel at some point. Did you know, as many as 80% of young people report being lonely at times? Young people tell us that it can sometimes feel nerve-wracking or even embarrassing to admit that they feel lonely. What we know is that loneliness is not always about being alone. We can be lonely in a room full of people, around friends or family. We can’t get rid of normal feelings like loneliness, but we can learn to think about it a bit differently and find some ways of managing it.  

Assistant Psychologist Fran works in our Clinical Psychology team. We asked her and the Psychology Department about loneliness, the theme of mental health awareness week this week.

“Feeling lonely at times makes sense – it is our minds way of letting us know that we value connection to other people. When these relationships feel distant we can feel lonely. Loneliness can feel very uncomfortable AND it can be a call to action to speak to someone, text a friend or make a new connection.” 

Sometimes people assume loneliness is about the number of friends we have. But quality is often better than quantity! A good question to ask yourself is, do I feel like I need to make new relationships? Or could I strengthen the ones I already have?  

“I remember feeling lonely as a teenager – I didn’t open up with my friends a lot. I made some online friends which helped at the time but I still wasn’t opening up to the people around me. Once I did push myself to, my relationships improved a lot. I realised my friends all felt a similar way!” 

Sometimes loneliness tricks us into thinking it’s just us – we don’t fit in – or people can’t relate to us. If you can talk to people around you about times when you have felt lonely this can help others to share too. You might be surprised how common thoughts of ‘not fitting in’ can be.  

It’s helpful also to think about how social media might be impacting your feelings of loneliness. Do you follow people who bring up difficult feelings? Could you use social media in a more ‘social’ way? Responding to a post can be a great way to start a conversation. 

“As hard as it can be, try making new connections or taking up a new hobby. It can feel embarrassing or worrying to try and make new friends, but the chances are so many other people are in the same boat and looking to build those connections too!” 

It takes a lot of courage to try new things.  But things that feel a little scary can help us grow. If you think taking up a new hobby or joining a new activity would be helpful, it has to be something that matters to you. Your hobbies and interests are important.  This also means you’re more likely to meet like-minded people, and bonding over shared hobbies is a great way to feel more connected. 

“It can feel scary to start something new or to reach out to others and sometimes other negative thoughts and feelings can get in the way. If you have a group, class or activity you can get involved with, or seek support in person or online, you are taking great steps to make those meaningful connections.” 

This Mental Health Awareness Week and in the weeks to come, remember, you are not alone in feeling alone!